Bird of Paradise

Talking to xian about blogging today made me feel like blogging again.
I haven’t published anything in half a year, jesus!
How about a poem to express myself, life transitions trigger life decisions. Enjoy!

Bird of paradise
Belle C.

Time and time again when people leave,
from the green-filled fields to the fields filtered green.
You put Bird of paradise to your nose and breathe,
felt the wind and your skin gently collide.
Enchanting, like the rainbow after the rain subsides.
You cringe at how cotton candy cloud changes shape,
how rain and rainbows alternate, you just can’t relate.

Treasure each moment, even those dark ones that made you sad.
You said, ‘life’s like a round of the Russian roulette.
Excitement derived from 6 chambers and 1 bullet
5 clicks if you’re unlucky, the last one claims your spirit.
Memories are always too short’ (You gestured with your cigarette).
Care for the living, the dead you cannot resurrect.
Some things circulate to perpetuate,
some more so than others, some even more so when dead.

college

I haven’t been updating in a while. I guess I was busy living in college, because time flies and I’m back in Singapore.

People would have come and gone within the next half a year and I’ll have to see if I can stay.
Parting is such sweet sorrow.

2011

It’s almost the end of my visit in Singapore and what can I say? The world moves, and I’m always constantly caught in a rat race.

As the time passes by in Singapore, I find myself being more and more occupied. Travelling here and there, meeting the people I love. But this time’s different. Every, single, one of my friends are either schooling or working, and despite the socializing, I felt less entertained than I previously was. But things will always fall into places and summer school has made my life interesting. It’s my last time studying in Sg, and I for one can feel the immense difference in teaching style ( god, i love being spoon-fed) and, people are just easier to work with in project groups. I honestly think it’s because singaporeans have sub-par standards in group work, and that includes myself. Oops!! I hope none of them finds my blog.

Almost always, I feel a pressurizing need to adapt to the lifestyle in both countries. Yet each time I’ve to leave I want to stay. Talk about unexpected drawbacks and speaking of which, I’m not exactly motivated to go back to Perth this time. Because, house, car. You know… zz

Alas, it’s 2011. This year I will study till my hair drops, my eyes cross, my fingers cramp and point crookedly, because it’s my final year! To Those-And-You-Know-Who-You-Are, I need your unfathomable relentless support! For that, you know I love you. Cheesy? I happen to love cheesy.

Because it rains when we wish it wouldn’t,
Because men do what they often shouldn’t,
Because crops fail, and plans go wrong-
Some of us grumble all day long.
But somehow, in spite of the care and doubt,
It seems at last that things work out.

Yes, i hate studying

Yes, I hate studying. I’d much prefer working without holidays than study. Yes, I believe one’s intellect can still be silently collected through other voyages of discovery. Yes, I’m only doing this because without it i can’t get my dream job, meet my dream guy, start my dream job. (I suppose if you do not dream you can never find what’s beyond those dreams, so yes, I’m entitled to dream.) And yes, fine, I nod towards the denial of ever painting this picture.

BUT as Johann puts it, knowing is not enough; we must apply. Willing is not enough; we must do. We’ve some so far, there’s just no turning back. So just do it!

Orbit.

I guess I’ve used up all my bad luck for the year.

Somehow when bad luck arrives, the gather in peircing pieces and I was mistaken when I felt that that was the lowest point. At some point in time it was cutting in too deep, I almost couldn’t feel anything… But I did.

Things were fickle on the surface but at the end of the day there is love. And love does wonders. It takes courage to be a strong believer of love conquering.  I could be in an island with just him knowing he’d protect me till he stops breathing, and he could be a wreck, aggressive and depressive all at once, and I would hold him close until the pain subsides.

I love it when he completes my sentences, when he completes my broken thoughts. I recognize those wide eyes arching eyebrows, or those gentle eyes peeking rightwards. With the mere glance of an eye, a dip of the tone, the shape of my smile, I think he could read me like a book.

It’s got to be passionate, a yearning sensation twisting my heart. Something close to death I reckon, when I feel his lips on mine. Or a shiver as the warm heart beats, melting down my soul as he holds me and refuses to let me leave till my sadness is gone.

When the world you revolve around decides to move away, would you locate someplace else or would you find yourself gravitating towards the orbit?  I know I gravitate. Don’t you wish we all do?

Cause when you smile, the whole world stops and stares for a while

I heard a song on the radio the past two nights and it’s as creepy as hell. I’d switch channels and the song will be on.

 I think any girl will fall in love with someone who sang that to her.

Oh her eyes, her eyes
Make the stars look like they’re not shining
Her hair, her hair
Falls perfectly without her trying

She’s so beautiful
And I tell her every day

Yeah I know, I know
When I compliment her
She wont believe me
And its so, its so
Sad to think she don’t see what I see

But every time she asks me do I look okay
I say

When I see your face
There’s not a thing that I would change
Cause you’re amazing
Just the way you are
And when you smile,
The whole world stops and stares for awhile
Cause girl you’re amazing
Just the way you are

Her nails, her nails
I could kiss them all day if she’d let me
Her laugh, her laugh
She hates but I think its so sexy

She’s so beautiful
And I tell her every day

Oh you know, you know, you know
Id never ask you to change
If perfect is what you’re searching for
Then just stay the same

So don’t even bother asking
If you look okay
You know I say

When I see your face
There’s not a thing that I would change
Cause you’re amazing
Just the way you are
And when you smile,
The whole world stops and stares for awhile
Cause girl you’re amazing
Just the way you are

The way you are
The way you are
Girl you’re amazing
Just the way you are

When I see your face
There’s not a thing that I would change
Cause you’re amazing
Just the way you are
And when you smile,
The whole world stops and stares for awhile
Cause girl you’re amazing
Just the way you are

Photo-graph-ffy

I have a test tomorrow, then a presentation, individual essay, mid sems and 1 more test next week. Oh this is just great because I’m not moving my bum to study at all! It seems like I’ve been out and about.

Today I was at for a photoshoot for mesha. I mean i’ve always been interested in photography but today was amazing, because well, i’ve never exactly had a studio all to myself before with lightings moving around me just to cast one tiny shadow under my arm. I felt inspired with my outfits. Just by merely twisting, turning, swivelling, wrapping cloth, you get a different design each time! With fashion, you can’t stop brainstorming. Pour in themes to follow, poses to imitate and interpret and throw in a very supportive photographer, you’d find yourself immersed in a few hours of fun and creativity.

But need I mention how sore my body was after some poses because they’re just impossible to imitate? I learnt that portraits, no matter how real they look, aren’t the easiest postures to follow haha. I can’t imagine if the photographer were a diva! Hopefully we did deliver the pictures though!

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Meant to be together.

And so I left Singapore a week ago on this day. I miss everything there. But I’m gonna embrace everything here, and to clear some unfinished things.

This semester’s going to end differently I hope. Maybe I’d move into hall. In november I’d have my finals, moving house, flying back to Singapore, registering for summer school. It doesn’t make life easy, moving around, maintaining friendships or relationships. But people who’re meant to be together will always find their way in the end.

Not that i’ve experienced it. Nor that I believe in it. I just want to.

This week has been good so far. Except there’s tests and assignments due next week already ( can’t believe this it’s too soon.) Meanwhile I’m gonna try to attend every single lecture for the first time ever. Don’t I deserve some praise!

nonlinearity

The degree of resistance to randomness is a very abstract idea. First you have to pretend to make a link when there isn’t one. Next you have to respond with doubt, but really. The logic of all that is highly tedious to explain, and to confuse matters, it is unobservable. Randomness distracts people, and it leaves no trace.

 To completely comprehend randomness, you need to be first fooled by it. You believe it is not a point, but somehow it links itself to make a point which you can understand. It all boils down to how intelligent you are making this link, and about believing. Because, the philosopher Pascal proclaimed that the optimal strategy for humans is to believe in the existence of God. For if God exists then the believer would be rewarded. And if God does not, then the believer will have nothing to lose. I guess God would want you to believe in randomness.

So be fooled by randomness, take a leap of faith.

This post is quite random.